Listless

The nice thing about blogs: they always take you back.  My blog and I have a complicated on-and-off relationship, and when I finally get back to writing again, I always feel like I’m crawling back to it (him? her?) like an adulterous wretch.  But then we fall back into our little niche and all is good for a good while.

Honestly, the only reason I’m back is because I’m stuck in bed with a sinus infection and I’ve already watched two rather inspiring movies.  I’m in need of some purpose.

“Julie & Julia” is a fantastic movie, but always leaves me yearning for something more.  And it makes me want to write on my blog more.  But then I stare at the page and wonder what the heck I should write about.

I’m on break from college; it’s nearly 5PM and I’m still in my PJs; I’m ill and tired and I’m sure if anyone saw me, I’d be pretty hard on the eyes; I had eggs for lunch….with onions.  that was new.  I have an enormous stack of books to read and I’m not going to meet my reading goal for the year.  I can’t wait to start the new year with a new goal… and hopefully I’ll make that.  But who really knows?

I have trouble keeping a blog.  That’s why I changed the title about six months ago.  I’m a secretly lazy writer.  I love to talk of writing and ideas and the fantasies I come up with, but my pen simply can’t keep up with my mind.  Eventually, though, it catches up and I’m left with a half-baked book and an empty pantry.  Fail.

I don’t think I have a true passion.  I have lots of things I like and like to do…. but nothing that truly drives me.  I don’t have a dream, nothing to work for.  Gosh, this is depressing.  But why keep a blog when the ideas don’t come but to complain about my lack of ideas??  WHY?

Maybe writing with a sinus infection wasn’t such a good idea.  It’s making my head hurt and bringing my mood even further down, which I didn’t think was possible…. but here’s to New Years Resolutions: find a blogging purpose….. I’ll sip my green tea to that.

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